Monday, March 31, 2003

Well, as long as these people are here, I guess I won't be able to get Linkin Park's new album, Meteora.
I gotta buncha shit to tell ya: (1) the Washington Gas Co. has dug a huge hole in my street, looking for a leaking gas line, (2) my iPod hasn't been working for some reason (it's not the battery) and that's pissing me off, and (3) I'm in the middle of reading Neal Stephenson's Cryptonomicon (in fact, I'm on page 320, I think).
You know what are fun? Haikus. Like this one:

Get outta my face
Ya stupid fuckin' biznatch
Just kiddin', y'all. . . Peace out
Hey, if you wanna convert your own text into binary, check this out. It's pretty cool!

Sunday, March 30, 2003

Hello, all. What can I say? The world's goin' to hell.

Saturday, March 29, 2003

I'm back. I forgot to post as soon as I got back. Well, DisneyWorld was fun. I went to MGM Studios, Epcot, the Magic Kingdom. A lotta fun. I wish I could tell ya all about it, but I'd have to write a whole lot, and I don't really want to. All I can say is that I went on the Tower of Terror at Disney-MGM Studios, the Test Track (awesome ride) at Epcot, which is actually an acronym for Experimental Prototype Community of The future or something, and Space Mountain at Tomorrowland in the Magic Kingdom, pretty much.

Monday, March 24, 2003

This will be my last post until the 28th. Tomorrow I'm goin' to DisneyWorld for Spring Break, and it'll be hella fun. Tomorrow Land in the Magic Kingdom is the best, in my opinion. Peace out.

Sunday, March 23, 2003

I'm out.
Thank you, Michael Moore. You have said everything that needs to be said. And fuck all of those who booed!
If you're ever bored, go here.
U.S. troops are about 100 miles away from Baghdad.

Saturday, March 22, 2003

I hope The Onion publishes a new issue soon . . .
Are we killing innocent civilians in this war?
I hate people who think that protesting the war is "anti-American." What kind of bullshit is that?! This country was FOUNDED on people who PROTESTED Britain, our Bill of Rights gives Americans the FREEDOM TO PROTEST THE GOVERNMENT. My God, who are these people that think that protesting is "un-American"? I think that the people that think that protesting this war is "anti-American" are the ones who truly ARE anti-American! After all, the real patriots are the ones who question the system.

"Real patriots ask questions."

--- Carl Sagan

Friday, March 21, 2003

Hey, if you like this site, email me at gnomeslayer@comcast.net or tamujin39@hotmail.com
I'm sure that this is some kind of violation of some law, but I copied a post I found from Slate. Extremely funny, and so, so true. Props to whoever "Progress" is. Well, here it is:


Subject: WHY THIS INVASION MAKES SENSE
From: Progress
Date: Mar 20 2003 5:37PM

Peacenik: Why did you say we are invading Iraq?

Warmonger: We are invading Iraq because it is in violation of security council resolution 1441. A country cannot be allowed to violate security council resolutions.

PN: But I thought many of our allies, including Israel, were in violation of more security council resolutions than Iraq.

WM: It's not just about UN resolutions. The main point is that Iraq could have weapons of mass destruction, and the first sign of a smoking gun could well be a mushroom cloud over NY.

PN: Mushroom cloud? But I thought the weapons inspectors said Iraq had no nuclear weapons.

WM: Yes, but biological and chemical weapons are the issue.

PN: But I thought Iraq did not have any long range missiles for attacking us or our allies with such weapons.

WM: The risk is not Iraq directly attacking us, but rather terrorists networks that Iraq could sell the weapons to.

PN: But couldn't virtually any country sell chemical or biological materials? We sold quite a bit to Iraq in the eighties ourselves, didn't we?

WM: That's ancient history. Look, Saddam Hussein is an evil man that has an undeniable track record of repressing his own people since the early eighties. He gasses his enemies. Everyone agrees that he is a power-hungry lunatic murderer.

PN: We sold chemical and biological materials to a power-hungry lunatic murderer?

WM: The issue is not what we sold, but rather what Saddam did. He is the one that launched a pre-emptive first strike on Kuwait.

PN: A pre-emptive first strike does sound bad. But didn't our ambassador to Iraq, April Glaspie, know about and green-light the invasion of Kuwait?

WM: Let's deal with the present, shall we? As of today, Iraq could sell its biological and chemical weapons to Al Qaida. Osama BinLaden himself released an audio tape calling on Iraqis to suicide attack us, proving a partnership between the two.

PN: Osama Bin Laden? Wasn't the point of invading Afghanistan to kill him?

WM: Actually, it's not 100% certain that it's really Osama Bin Laden on the tapes. But the lesson from the tape is the same: there could easily be a partnership between Al Qaeda and Saddam Hussein unless we act.

PN: Is this the same audio tape where Osama Bin Laden labels Saddam a secular infidel?

WM: You're missing the point by just focusing on the tape. Powell presented a strong case against Iraq.

PN: He did?

WM: Yes, he showed satellite pictures of an Al Qaeda poison factory in Iraq.

PN: But didn't that turn out to be a harmless shack in the part of Iraq controlled by the Kurdish opposition?

WM: And a British intelligence report...

PN: Didn't that turn out to be copied from an out-of-date graduate student paper?

WM: And reports of mobile weapons labs...

PN: Weren't those just artistic renderings?

WM: And reports of Iraqis scuttling and hiding evidence from inspectors...

PN: Wasn't that evidence contradicted by the chief weapons inspector, Hans Blix?

WM: Yes, but there is plenty of other hard evidence that cannot be revealed because it would compromise our security.

PN: So there is no publicly available evidence of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq?

WM: The inspectors are not detectives, it's not their JOB to find evidence. You're missing the point.

PN: So what is the point?

WM: The main point is that we are invading Iraq because resolution 1441 threatened "severe consequences." If we do not act, the security council will become an irrelevant debating society.

PN: So the main point is to uphold the rulings of the security council?

WM: Absolutely. ... unless it rules against us.

PN: And what if it does rule against us?

WM: In that case, we must lead a coalition of the willing to invade Iraq.

PN: Coalition of the willing? Who's that?

WM: Britain, Turkey, Bulgaria, Spain, and Italy, for starters.

PN: I thought Turkey refused to help us unless we gave them tens of billions of dollars.

WM: Nevertheless, they may now be willing.

PN: I thought public opinion in all those countries was against war.

WM: Current public opinion is irrelevant. The majority expresses its will by electing leaders to make decisions.

PN: So it's the decisions of leaders elected by the majority that is important?

WM: Yes.

PN: But George B-

WM: I mean, we must support the decisions of our leaders, however they were elected, because they are acting in our best interest. This is about being a patriot. That's the bottom line.

PN: So if we do not support the decisions of the president, we are not patriotic?

WM: I never said that.

PN: So what are you saying? Why are we invading Iraq?

WM: As I said, because there is a chance that they have weapons of mass destruction that threaten us and our allies.

PN: But the inspectors have not been able to find any such weapons.

WM: Iraq is obviously hiding them.

PN: You know this? How?

WM: Because we know they had the weapons ten years ago, and they are still unaccounted for.

PN: The weapons we sold them, you mean?

WM: Precisely.

PN: But I thought those biological and chemical weapons would degrade to an unusable state over ten years.

WM: But there is a chance that some have not degraded.

PN: So as long as there is even a small chance that such weapons exist, we must invade?

WM: Exactly.

PN: But North Korea actually has large amounts of usable chemical, biological, AND nuclear weapons, AND long range missiles that can reach the west coast AND it has expelled nuclear weapons inspectors, AND threatened to turn America into a sea of fire.

WM: That's a diplomatic issue.

PN: So why are we invading Iraq instead of using diplomacy?

WM: Aren't you listening? We are invading Iraq because we cannot allow the inspections to drag on indefinitely. Iraq has been delaying, deceiving, and denying for over ten years, and inspections cost us tens of millions.

PN: But I thought war would cost us tens of billions.

WM: Yes, but this is not about money. This is about security.

PN: But wouldn't a pre-emptive war against Iraq ignite radical Muslim sentiments against us, and decrease our security?

WM: Possibly, but we must not allow the terrorists to change the way we live. Once we do that, the terrorists have already won.

PN: So what is the purpose of the Department of Homeland Security, color-coded terror alerts, and the Patriot Act? Don't these change the way we live?

WM: I thought you had questions about Iraq.

PN: I do. Why are we invading Iraq?

WM: For the last time, we are invading Iraq because the world has called on Saddam Hussein to disarm, and he has failed to do so. He must now face the consequences.

PN: So, likewise, if the world called on us to do something, such as find a peaceful solution, we would have an obligation to listen?

WM: By "world", I meant the United Nations.

PN: So, we have an obligation to listen to the United Nations?

WM: By "United Nations" I meant the Security Council.

PN: So, we have an obligation to listen to the Security Council?

WM: I meant the majority of the Security Council.

PN: So, we have an obligation to listen to the majority of the Security Council?

WM: Well... there could be an unreasonable veto.

PN: In which case?

WM: In which case, we have an obligation to ignore the veto.

PN: And if the majority of the Security Council does not support us at all?

WM: Then we have an obligation to ignore the Security Council.

PN: That makes no sense:

WM: If you love Iraq so much, you should move there. Or maybe France, with the all the other cheese-eating surrender monkeys. It's time to boycott their wine and cheese, no doubt about that.

PN: I give up.

*****
Well, today we've seen some really big explosions in Baghdad. BUT WHAT ABOUT NORTH KOREA?! Sorry, I couldn't help myself there.

Wednesday, March 19, 2003

I wonder how much traffic I'm gettin'.
This is the best TV show ever.
By the way, if you want to see when we are apparently going to bomb North Korea, check this out.
About 2 Hours and 50 Minutes Until We Invade.

Tuesday, March 18, 2003

23 HOURS UNTIL WE INVADE.

Monday, March 17, 2003

A Word or Two of Wisdom: ONE MAN'S FREEDOM FIGHTER IS ANOTHER MAN'S TERRORIST.
Here's where you can see his latest address.
Just got back from watching Bush's latest address to the nation. I felt like I was watching Big Brother spew propaganda and jabber on and on about bullshit and opinions that he is delivering as facts. It makes me sick. I mean, does this guy actually think that Hussein is actually going to abdicate and flee the country in 48 hours?! Bush is a moron.

P.S.: Iraqi citizens, prepare to be bombed.

Saturday, March 15, 2003

This is one of the greatest websites out there. Check it out.
Actually, come to think of it, no, don't.
ATTENTION HACKERS: Go ahead.
The Matrix + Anime = this.
Wanna see funny shit?
If you are for the war, click here. If you are a independently thinking, freedom-loving patriot, click here.
I wish I could make this site more interesting, but I am afraid I cannot, for I am operating this website for free, so I cannot upload any pictures or anything.
Spring is upon us.

Thursday, March 13, 2003

Fifty Cent rules.
Freedom fries . . . what the hell is that? This whole renaming of French-named foods is completely unnecessary and moronic. I am truly losing faith in this country.
So, if you ever visit this site, tell me what you think. Unfortunately, the Onion does not accept submissions; they're missing out on some primo talent. By the way, I've been thinking of some others. Perhaps they could be, I don't know, "U.S. Eliminates All Other Countries; 'Now we can secure peace throughout the world,' says Bush" or "Everything Remotely Associated With France Renamed."
And another:

Washington, D.C., Puerto Rico, Marshall Islands, American Samoa, Guam, Togo, Cyprus, the Bahamas, Fiji Islands, Micronesia, Iceland, Luxembourg, Madagascar, Canada, Philippines, China, Afghanistan, Iraq, Saudi Arabia, and North Korea to be Established as 51st—70th U.S. States

_________________________________________________

United States Invaded by Everyone Else, Becomes Totalitarian Islamic State, Renamed the United Provinces of the Empire of Ameristan



In a bold, profound move by former President Bush, 15 sovereign countries, with the exception of Washington, D.C., previously a district, and American Samoa, Guam, the Marshall Islands, and Puerto Rico, previously American territories, will be incorporated into the Union, “effective immediately.”
Among the previously sovereign and independent nations are Togo, Cyprus, the Bahamas, the Fiji Islands, Micronesia, Iceland, and nine others, including major industrialized countries like China and North Korea, countries which both have admitted possessing nuclear weapons.
In a sweeping, lofty speech, considered by many reporters to be “the single somewhat-intelligent, coherent thing Bush has ever uttered,” Bush attempted at justifying this immense acquisition by the U.S. government.
“Making D.C. a state is self-explanatory,” said soon-to-be-dictator Bush, speaking from his desk in the Oval Office. “And no, I’m not talking about that whole ‘taxation without representation’ thing. It’s because this city is where I, your ruler, live, so why not make it a state? And who’s gonna argue with me? You? Get the fuck outta here.”
The broadcast was live, so the millions of Americans watching were able to hear him utter the obscenity for the very first time.
About turning U.S. territories like Puerto Rico and Guam, among others, into states, pretty-much-dictator Bush said that “we might as well.
“I mean,” he continued, “Puerto Rico, Guam, heh heh, Guam.” He added, “Guam sounds funny, doesn’t it? And, American Samoa, too. It already has our name, doesn’t it? Make it a state, I insist. Marshall Islands: named after one of our great generals in our history. That’s a state now, too.”
Further speaking on the behalf of granting statehood to the remaining 15 already established nations, almost-dictator Bush said that “it is in our common interests, and by that I mean my interests, that all of these other countries become states, too.
“For example,” stated just-about-dictator Bush, “Togo will become of state it’s funny to say the name. Heh, heh, Togo. Actually, let’s say we rename it Pogo. Or, better yet, Pong. That was a great game. As for Cyprus, well, it’s a state for the hell of it. Same goes for Micronesia and the Bahamas. Fiji Islands, too, well, for the reason that I like the name ‘Fiji’. It makes me laugh.” He added, “What’s Iceland doing? Take Iceland, too, I say. Besides, we need some of that ‘gee-o-termil’ [sic] stuff, er, energy. And I like them volcanoes. Very cool. Luxembourg has the highest GDP per capita in the world. Or is it GNP . . .? Whatever. It’s still money, money all for us, and me especially, heh heh heh. Madagascar. Hmm. I like that. Ma-da-gas-car. Hey! I just, um, uh, thought of something. Take ma and da from that name: mother and father. Family. Unity. The American Dream. And then take the last two: gas and car. One’s a fossil fuel and the other’s a great American invention. I think it’s pretty self explanatory then why Madagascar should a state,” he added with a self-righteous smirk.
“I’m very suspicious about, I mean aboot, Canada,” continued any-second-now-dictator Bush. “Yes, they’re our ally.” He paused. “I think. Yes, they make Canadian bacon, which is pretty good. I tried it once, if you believe that. Canada’s also got a big lake, big enough for all the oil we’ll be dumping into it as soon as it’s given U.S. statehood. And I think it’s unsound that one of the world’s largest countries with the world’s longest coastline is not a state in the next, uh, five minutes or so. But time flies. I’ve seen time fly before. I was at Yale, snorting a gram of coke at a frat party. It was a bad trip.
“Anyway,” continued practically-yet-unofficially-dictator Bush, “we now move on to the Philippines. I don’t much about this country, but I’m pretty sure it’s A-OK. Now on to China. Although I do not like that it’s a commie state, I, and all of you out there watching, can’t get enough of that Chinese food. Oh, yeah, and, uh, thousands of years of culture and stuff is another bonus. China: the 66th state! Woo!
“As for Afghanistan, we carpet-bombed it back to the Stone Age, and freed its people from the iron-grip of the Talibin [sic], so why not make it a state? Sure, it’s mostly barrel [sic barren] desert, but what the hell.
“Iraq is a wild card. As we are about to invade it, I say instead of doing that, which will most seriously cripple our economy, I say we get John Muhammed Malvo and that other guy to go in there and take out Saddam. And then we kill them, of course, the bastards. Then, after Saddam, Malvo, and the other sniper are all killed, Iraq becomes a state. When you have a country home to 20% of the world’s oil, hey! look out! Same basic reason goes for Saudi Arabia. They’re the biggest exporter of oil in the world. Poof! They’re a state.
“Finally,” said now-Dictator Bush, “North Korea will be the 70th and final state of the former United States, which, under my sole direction, is from now on called the United Provinces of the Empire of Ameristan. As the title implies, from now on this country is an Islamic state. By the way, the reason for North Korea being a state is plain and simple: they got nukes. ‘Nuff said. Thank you and May Allah Bless.”
Immediately following Pres—, rather, Dictator Bush’s speech, the remaining 173 countries of the world invaded the United Provinces of the Empire of Ameristan (UPEA). The ensuing attacks by land, air, and sea decimated the country’s infrastructure, shattered its defenses, and destroyed the very fibers of the new “Ameristanian” way of life.
The unfathomable mass invasion of the former U.S., which ended up obliterating the east and west coasts, leaving the Midwest and the heartland for the most part unscathed, was primarily conducted by the European Union (except for Cyprus), the United Kingdom, Russia, Australia, Japan, Germany, and Vatican City. Switzerland, renamed Neutralia, stayed out of the conflict, and was immediately bombed by the Ottoman Empire, whose unexpected resurgence to power was colossal.
Meanwhile, in the UPEA, Dictator Bush calmed a worried press and public, watching at home, where that still existed in the now almost desolate wasteland which once was the United States.
“We must remain calm and sit tight until all of this blows over and world order and stability is restored,” said a visibly irresolute Bush, flanked on both sides by his cabinet and secret service bodyguards, hunkered down in a 1000-ft. titanium-encased shelter, which has been given an undisclosed location. “To whoever is watching, and if anyone is at this unbelievable, horrible time in our history, let me say this: an unfathomable attack on our country has taken place from which we may never recover. But, rest assured, if Allah is my witness, and He is, I, your beloved Dictator of the United Provinces of the Empire of Ameristan, will make sure that justice will be delivered. To our former allies, our former enemies, or even us, it does not matter. We must get back at someone, and fast. Thank you and Allah bless.”
And yet a third:

Alex Cacioppo
10/26/02

Area Man Sees Independence Day for the First Time, Annoys the Hell Out of His Neighbors




According to MSNBC and CNN sources, resident of Wilmington, Delaware Larry Whitestone, 27, has seen Independence Day for the first time, a record six years after its first release. In the process, he has totally annoyed the “holy living shit” out of his neighbors, who, of course, have seen the movie “like, a billion times.”
The movie, starring a six-year younger Bill Pullman, Jeff Goldblum, and Will Smith, has become Larry’s obsession, immediately starting on the night he rented it, luckily, from a nearby Blockbuster’s.
“I was surprised that [Independence Day] wasn’t on the shelves, so I asked the clerk,” recounts Larry. “The guy was like, ‘Dude, are you shittin’ me? We don’t have that on stock anymore! Go over to an antique store, they might have it.’ I just can’t understand why a big video rental chain like that wouldn’t carry a hit movie like Independence Day!”
Then, trying to act out parts of the movie, he said, “Remember the part with Will Smith finding the alien in the ship? That thing was some weird-looking shit with that exoskeleton thing! And,” trying to stifle his laughter, “Will Smith’s like, he’s like ‘Now that’s what I call a close encounter.’ That was so funny!” Larry continued to laugh hysterically at the now really unfunny joke.
“Oh, yeah,” Larry said as he suddenly remember something else, “and the part with him in the fighter jet and the alien ship fires that green stuff at him, and he’s like ‘No you did not shoot that green shit at me!’ Ah, that’s gold. And the computer effects were incredible. I hear by next year, Independence Day, or ID4, however you call it, I personally like ‘ID4’, the video game will be on PlayStation. Hot shit!”
Robert Sanders, 32, neighbor of Larry’s who lives in an adjacent house, expressed his thoughts on Larry’s “pathetic”, “really, really sad” obsession with the now-ancient movie.
“I just think it’s fuckin’ sad, you know. I mean, Jesus, how old is that movie? Six years? Get a life. I mean, it’s not like it was hard during the interim to watch it. It’s been on FOX on the 4th of July pretty much ever since. Jesus, it’s even worse than the week earlier when he asked me if I thought Bill Clinton might get another term, or if,” in a slightly demoted voice, “this is really sad, if mad cow disease is real. God. If you’re watching, Larry, for the last time the answer’s yes.”
Laura Baker, divorced wife of two who lives across the street, shared her thoughts on Larry, or, as she calls him, “that annoying loser.”
“What do I think of him?” she asked. “What do I think? Well, for one, he’s annoying as shit. Seriously. He has this delusion that I’m attracted to him for some reason. I mean, I just divorced my husband. I need my space. And, besides, I have two kids, they’re both in the first grade at this, uh, private school for gifted . . . whatever, that’s beside the point. [Larry] keeps trying to invite me over to his house to watch that goddamn movie and I’m like, well, ‘Uh, no, because I need to take care of my children, and I’ve already seen that miserable load-of-crap movie a trillion fuckin’ times now. It’s gotten old a million years ago.’ I’m like, Get a life, you loser.”
Seemingly never despairing at trying to entertain his neighbors with “jokes” and “memorable moments” from the movie, Larry continues to try his best at making the movie what it has been for him for everyone else.
“I just think that Independence Day is a great movie. I’d like to thank the people at Twentieth Century Fox personally. Keep up the good work.” And, citing the talent of Will Smith, the leading actor in the film, Larry said, “Oh, yeah, he’s a great actor. He has a whole lot of talent. I just can’t wait to see his upcoming movie Men in Black.”
And here's another:

Bush: “Long Story Short, 111 Million Will Die at the End of All This”

Alex Cacioppo
10/19/02



Citing a war with Iraq, Bush stated that in the end of all three wars, 111 million people will be “left for the vultures.
“The other two wars, which will be against Iran and North Korea,” Bush said, “will come one after the other. It will go like this: Iraq, Iran, and then North Korea. North Korea has nukes, you know. Hey, it’s kinda like a trilogy.” He added, “A . . . Trilogy of Freedom . . . against the Axis of Evil.” This statement was followed by immediate, thundering applause.
Upon receiving statistics on the populations of all three countries, Bush began to calculate the answer, and 15 minutes later using an ordinary calculator, delivered the answer to a waiting media crowd.
“Hold on . . . It’s, wait . . . low bat—no . . . on sec . . . carry the two . . . right, 111 million people,” Bush said, embarrassed, as he had just found out that he knew that figure 15 minutes earlier. “So, that’s over 100 million people, civilians and military, combined of the three countries, which will all be entirely eliminated. God bless America. So,” applause had interrupted him and then abruptly stopped, “it is obvious that we know what we must do. Kill them all. Every man, woman and child of Iraq, Iran, and North Korea must die so that these countries no longer show as a threat to the world and the countries’ combined evil is abolished completely.” Applause and cheering from the crowd immediately followed.
According to Bush’s “Trilogy of Freedom” plan, Iraq, the first country to be targeted, will be “completely pulvised [sic] into oblivion, which will be preceded by a massive air and naval strike, and then an invasion of the country, in which our armed forces will storm the country, literally going door to door, executing every person and thing they see, until he have finally killed Saddam, his henchmen, and terrorists he may or may not be harboring, whatever.” Bush added, “But the fun doesn’t stop there. We still have two more . . . sequels [of the Trilogy] . . . left. We will then invade neighboring Iran, and kill every living thing there, ridding the country of evil just as we would have done in Iraq. Then we coordinate an air strike with a flying fortress of bombers located around North Korea, and nuke it all to hell. Thus, all 111 million will be killed, and all evil will be rid from the world.”
Addressing the possible negative response that this plan might incite across the nation, Bush continued on a more positive note, saying, “But don’t fret. Hopefully, no American soldiers will be killed. And we’re safe, because the Axis of Evil must be destroyed forever, and it will be soon.” He continued, “If all of this sounds too sudden and/or too much for you, you are free to leave the country, but,” he quickly added, “try not to get within 100 miles of either Iraq, Iran, or North Korea, because the nuclear fallout won’t be very pleasant and whatnot.” Applause resonated from the room “like thunder,” recalled some journalists at the scene.
Other thoughts from the American people seemed to oddly differ from those of Bush.
“I think [obliterating Iraq, Iran, and North Korea] is ridiculous and absurd if you ask me,” said Wendy Northrupp, a random person in a CVS. “It’s all crazy. I mean, I just can’t believe what [Bush’s] saying. It’s all too crazy,” she said, as she took some items from a counter. “Excuse me,” she added as she quickly ran out the door. An alarm then sounded and the clerk shouted profanities. Fortunately, within minutes, the police were there and caught her. Wendy Northrupp is now serving 5 years in prison, no parole.
“I, aside from Bush, of course, think it’s our God-given right and necessary,” said Bill Wrightberg, a city planner, “to invade, attack, and annihilate Iraq, Iran, and North Korea, which would in the process kill everyone there. Hail Bush!”
In a speech to the U.N. Saturday, Bush made the following comment:
“If you are watching this bridcast [sic], Saddam, and the same goes for you, Mohammad Khatami [Pres. of Iran] and you, Kim Jong Il [North Korea]. Your people have served under and endured oppressive, totalitarian regimes long enough. It’s time to open up a can of whoop-ass.”
So, anyway, I have been writing a slew of Onion-type articles (they aren't real, in case you've never heard of the Onion). Here's one:

Bush Orders U.N. to Disarm U.S.
‘All 20,000 Must Go,’ Bush Says in Highly Illogical Statement


In a speech Thursday, on March the 13th, Bush ordered the U.N. to disarm the U.S. of any “weapons of mass destruction,” subsequently after the House agreed on a resolution to go to war with Iraq.
“Millions of innocent lives are at stake,” Bush said in a conference the following day, seemingly to clarify the ‘statement’ that he made the other day. “If war with the U.S. is necessary, it is evident that first we must disarm the country of nuclear, biological, and chemical weapons.
“What is there to say? President Bush is a madman,” said Bush. “He’s evil, as a matter of fact. You know, this man tried to kill my dad. So, as you can see, it is impertive [sic] to conduct further weapons inspections and weapons disarmament of the United States. This way, we can successfully go to war with the U.S.”
Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld reportedly said that he “had no fucking clue” of what Bush was talking about.
“What the hell is he talking about? Has he gone crazy?! I mean, what the fuck?!?!?!” Fortunately, most were calmer about the “situation” in the United States. Colin Powell had his thoughts:
“I think this is a prime example of Bush quite possibly losing his mind. I mean, aren’t we supposed to be disarming Iraq? After hearing the craziness that Bush said and Rumsfeld’s response, I am starting think that I am the only sane person in this administration.”
According to a recent poll, 50% of the American people think that war with Iraq is necessary. The other 50% think that America should go to war with America.
Newspaper companies like the New York Times and the Washington Post are as confused as anyone. Writers for both newspapers continue to put down everything Bush says on print, be it “Saddam is evil,” “We must form a unilateral, pre-emptive strike against Iraq,” or “America must be destroyed.” The same is going for other newspapers across the U.S.
Joe John Bill, Editor of the Hickville Post-Gazette, confidently said, “Whatever the President is done sayin’ about thar U.S., we’s done write it down, regardless if it’s some crazy, illogical bullshit.” The Editor then hiccupped.
The United Nations, too, is equally troubled and perplexed by the irrational situation.
“I just don’t understand it,” said U.N. representative Robert Schoffe. “One minute [Bush] is telling us to go into Iraq, disarm Hussein and wait until the House passes the resolution, and they did, and now he’s ordering us to disarm and attack our own country! It’s making absolutely no sense at all!!” The troubled representative, in a quick move, took a gun from nearby Representative William Hurst and shot himself in the head. His suicide was ignored by Bush, who thought of the death as one by a henchman of Saddam.
Condaleeza Rice, one of the remaining “sane people” of the Bush Administration, had this to say:
“It is the intent of [Colin Powell] and I to immediately send Bush to a psychiatric hospital. Bush has obviously suffered a psychotic episode where he mistook “Iraq” for “United States,” and “Hussein” with “Bush”. Unfortunately, before he was strapped onto the gurney and rushed off to a padded-wall cell, he already gave the codes to launch nuclear weapons that he aimed at the United States. So, we have about,” looking at her wrist watch, “2 hours left to live. Good night, America.”

Only 12 more days until the new Linkin Park album, Meteora, comes out. Kickass.
Isn't geometry pointless and boring?
However, all of this Political Correctness stuff is BULLSHIT. I am tired of being told by the government what I can and can't say. George Carlin is right: When you control the language, you control thought. Here's my addition to the equation: When you control thought, you have domination over the individual. I guess the latter is property of the other great George, George Orwell, but I agree with it completely.
Now, I'd like to pass on some wisdom: No matter what you do or say, you will always piss off someone.
LEGAL DISCLAIMER: The previous post DOES NOT endorse, condone, and/or support racism, bigotry, prejudice, and/or discrimination of peoples of different creeds, colors, religious faiths, or ethnicities. I am sorry if I have offended you.
I know that this is random, but I have to say that we have gotten too far with this political correctness shit. I mean, we gotta loosen up, you know. We can't be all uptight like this. Why do you think that people kill each other? 'Cause they're uptight over their land, or their God, or their "ethnicity." We all gotta chill out; we'll live longer.
Some people have told me that this site is "lame," "boring," and "uninteresting." And what do I have to say to that? FUCK OFF! Just kidding, y'all . . .
Sorry that I haven't posted anything in awhile. Mental block. Well, I'm back, beotch! Heheheh, beotch.