So, anyway, I have been writing a slew of Onion-type articles (they aren't real, in case you've never heard of the Onion). Here's one:

Bush Orders U.N. to Disarm U.S.
‘All 20,000 Must Go,’ Bush Says in Highly Illogical Statement


In a speech Thursday, on March the 13th, Bush ordered the U.N. to disarm the U.S. of any “weapons of mass destruction,” subsequently after the House agreed on a resolution to go to war with Iraq.
“Millions of innocent lives are at stake,” Bush said in a conference the following day, seemingly to clarify the ‘statement’ that he made the other day. “If war with the U.S. is necessary, it is evident that first we must disarm the country of nuclear, biological, and chemical weapons.
“What is there to say? President Bush is a madman,” said Bush. “He’s evil, as a matter of fact. You know, this man tried to kill my dad. So, as you can see, it is impertive [sic] to conduct further weapons inspections and weapons disarmament of the United States. This way, we can successfully go to war with the U.S.”
Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld reportedly said that he “had no fucking clue” of what Bush was talking about.
“What the hell is he talking about? Has he gone crazy?! I mean, what the fuck?!?!?!” Fortunately, most were calmer about the “situation” in the United States. Colin Powell had his thoughts:
“I think this is a prime example of Bush quite possibly losing his mind. I mean, aren’t we supposed to be disarming Iraq? After hearing the craziness that Bush said and Rumsfeld’s response, I am starting think that I am the only sane person in this administration.”
According to a recent poll, 50% of the American people think that war with Iraq is necessary. The other 50% think that America should go to war with America.
Newspaper companies like the New York Times and the Washington Post are as confused as anyone. Writers for both newspapers continue to put down everything Bush says on print, be it “Saddam is evil,” “We must form a unilateral, pre-emptive strike against Iraq,” or “America must be destroyed.” The same is going for other newspapers across the U.S.
Joe John Bill, Editor of the Hickville Post-Gazette, confidently said, “Whatever the President is done sayin’ about thar U.S., we’s done write it down, regardless if it’s some crazy, illogical bullshit.” The Editor then hiccupped.
The United Nations, too, is equally troubled and perplexed by the irrational situation.
“I just don’t understand it,” said U.N. representative Robert Schoffe. “One minute [Bush] is telling us to go into Iraq, disarm Hussein and wait until the House passes the resolution, and they did, and now he’s ordering us to disarm and attack our own country! It’s making absolutely no sense at all!!” The troubled representative, in a quick move, took a gun from nearby Representative William Hurst and shot himself in the head. His suicide was ignored by Bush, who thought of the death as one by a henchman of Saddam.
Condaleeza Rice, one of the remaining “sane people” of the Bush Administration, had this to say:
“It is the intent of [Colin Powell] and I to immediately send Bush to a psychiatric hospital. Bush has obviously suffered a psychotic episode where he mistook “Iraq” for “United States,” and “Hussein” with “Bush”. Unfortunately, before he was strapped onto the gurney and rushed off to a padded-wall cell, he already gave the codes to launch nuclear weapons that he aimed at the United States. So, we have about,” looking at her wrist watch, “2 hours left to live. Good night, America.”