And another:

Washington, D.C., Puerto Rico, Marshall Islands, American Samoa, Guam, Togo, Cyprus, the Bahamas, Fiji Islands, Micronesia, Iceland, Luxembourg, Madagascar, Canada, Philippines, China, Afghanistan, Iraq, Saudi Arabia, and North Korea to be Established as 51st—70th U.S. States

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United States Invaded by Everyone Else, Becomes Totalitarian Islamic State, Renamed the United Provinces of the Empire of Ameristan



In a bold, profound move by former President Bush, 15 sovereign countries, with the exception of Washington, D.C., previously a district, and American Samoa, Guam, the Marshall Islands, and Puerto Rico, previously American territories, will be incorporated into the Union, “effective immediately.”
Among the previously sovereign and independent nations are Togo, Cyprus, the Bahamas, the Fiji Islands, Micronesia, Iceland, and nine others, including major industrialized countries like China and North Korea, countries which both have admitted possessing nuclear weapons.
In a sweeping, lofty speech, considered by many reporters to be “the single somewhat-intelligent, coherent thing Bush has ever uttered,” Bush attempted at justifying this immense acquisition by the U.S. government.
“Making D.C. a state is self-explanatory,” said soon-to-be-dictator Bush, speaking from his desk in the Oval Office. “And no, I’m not talking about that whole ‘taxation without representation’ thing. It’s because this city is where I, your ruler, live, so why not make it a state? And who’s gonna argue with me? You? Get the fuck outta here.”
The broadcast was live, so the millions of Americans watching were able to hear him utter the obscenity for the very first time.
About turning U.S. territories like Puerto Rico and Guam, among others, into states, pretty-much-dictator Bush said that “we might as well.
“I mean,” he continued, “Puerto Rico, Guam, heh heh, Guam.” He added, “Guam sounds funny, doesn’t it? And, American Samoa, too. It already has our name, doesn’t it? Make it a state, I insist. Marshall Islands: named after one of our great generals in our history. That’s a state now, too.”
Further speaking on the behalf of granting statehood to the remaining 15 already established nations, almost-dictator Bush said that “it is in our common interests, and by that I mean my interests, that all of these other countries become states, too.
“For example,” stated just-about-dictator Bush, “Togo will become of state it’s funny to say the name. Heh, heh, Togo. Actually, let’s say we rename it Pogo. Or, better yet, Pong. That was a great game. As for Cyprus, well, it’s a state for the hell of it. Same goes for Micronesia and the Bahamas. Fiji Islands, too, well, for the reason that I like the name ‘Fiji’. It makes me laugh.” He added, “What’s Iceland doing? Take Iceland, too, I say. Besides, we need some of that ‘gee-o-termil’ [sic] stuff, er, energy. And I like them volcanoes. Very cool. Luxembourg has the highest GDP per capita in the world. Or is it GNP . . .? Whatever. It’s still money, money all for us, and me especially, heh heh heh. Madagascar. Hmm. I like that. Ma-da-gas-car. Hey! I just, um, uh, thought of something. Take ma and da from that name: mother and father. Family. Unity. The American Dream. And then take the last two: gas and car. One’s a fossil fuel and the other’s a great American invention. I think it’s pretty self explanatory then why Madagascar should a state,” he added with a self-righteous smirk.
“I’m very suspicious about, I mean aboot, Canada,” continued any-second-now-dictator Bush. “Yes, they’re our ally.” He paused. “I think. Yes, they make Canadian bacon, which is pretty good. I tried it once, if you believe that. Canada’s also got a big lake, big enough for all the oil we’ll be dumping into it as soon as it’s given U.S. statehood. And I think it’s unsound that one of the world’s largest countries with the world’s longest coastline is not a state in the next, uh, five minutes or so. But time flies. I’ve seen time fly before. I was at Yale, snorting a gram of coke at a frat party. It was a bad trip.
“Anyway,” continued practically-yet-unofficially-dictator Bush, “we now move on to the Philippines. I don’t much about this country, but I’m pretty sure it’s A-OK. Now on to China. Although I do not like that it’s a commie state, I, and all of you out there watching, can’t get enough of that Chinese food. Oh, yeah, and, uh, thousands of years of culture and stuff is another bonus. China: the 66th state! Woo!
“As for Afghanistan, we carpet-bombed it back to the Stone Age, and freed its people from the iron-grip of the Talibin [sic], so why not make it a state? Sure, it’s mostly barrel [sic barren] desert, but what the hell.
“Iraq is a wild card. As we are about to invade it, I say instead of doing that, which will most seriously cripple our economy, I say we get John Muhammed Malvo and that other guy to go in there and take out Saddam. And then we kill them, of course, the bastards. Then, after Saddam, Malvo, and the other sniper are all killed, Iraq becomes a state. When you have a country home to 20% of the world’s oil, hey! look out! Same basic reason goes for Saudi Arabia. They’re the biggest exporter of oil in the world. Poof! They’re a state.
“Finally,” said now-Dictator Bush, “North Korea will be the 70th and final state of the former United States, which, under my sole direction, is from now on called the United Provinces of the Empire of Ameristan. As the title implies, from now on this country is an Islamic state. By the way, the reason for North Korea being a state is plain and simple: they got nukes. ‘Nuff said. Thank you and May Allah Bless.”
Immediately following Pres—, rather, Dictator Bush’s speech, the remaining 173 countries of the world invaded the United Provinces of the Empire of Ameristan (UPEA). The ensuing attacks by land, air, and sea decimated the country’s infrastructure, shattered its defenses, and destroyed the very fibers of the new “Ameristanian” way of life.
The unfathomable mass invasion of the former U.S., which ended up obliterating the east and west coasts, leaving the Midwest and the heartland for the most part unscathed, was primarily conducted by the European Union (except for Cyprus), the United Kingdom, Russia, Australia, Japan, Germany, and Vatican City. Switzerland, renamed Neutralia, stayed out of the conflict, and was immediately bombed by the Ottoman Empire, whose unexpected resurgence to power was colossal.
Meanwhile, in the UPEA, Dictator Bush calmed a worried press and public, watching at home, where that still existed in the now almost desolate wasteland which once was the United States.
“We must remain calm and sit tight until all of this blows over and world order and stability is restored,” said a visibly irresolute Bush, flanked on both sides by his cabinet and secret service bodyguards, hunkered down in a 1000-ft. titanium-encased shelter, which has been given an undisclosed location. “To whoever is watching, and if anyone is at this unbelievable, horrible time in our history, let me say this: an unfathomable attack on our country has taken place from which we may never recover. But, rest assured, if Allah is my witness, and He is, I, your beloved Dictator of the United Provinces of the Empire of Ameristan, will make sure that justice will be delivered. To our former allies, our former enemies, or even us, it does not matter. We must get back at someone, and fast. Thank you and Allah bless.”