The perennially hilarious Onion has a new "premium" service out that, for either $7 per month or $30 per year (this, by the way, is relatively cheaper), will provide readers with full archives (the Onion's archives, therefore, are no longer free), no ads, and a bunch of extras. I love the Onion, but I'm not really willing (or, as a matter of fact, able) to actually pay them for their great paper. Sorry guys, but no-can-do. At least until I get a job. Well, the regular website is free, and, if you live in New York City, so is the print edition; elsewhere the Onion in print is something like $50 annually. I know, kind of crazy, but these Wisconsin college kids gotta make a living somehow, right? It would be funny to see the Onion become acquired by a media conglomerate in twenty years and lose its soul, wouldn't it? No, it wouldn't. Scratch that. That would really suck.